its an awesome life...

And it is. Every life is awesome. In different ways. No matter how crazy, lost, or miserable a person is, they affect someone else. They teach by example, are loved by someone, even if it is god alone, bring something to someone. I know that even the most evil of people have something to teach. If nothing else, they teach us to be careful of strangers, especially with our children, or to be thankful for the truly good people we have in our life. Dont take those people for granted. Embrace them in any way you can. Send a text to tell them how much they mean to you. Call them, write a letter, even tell someone they know how awesome they are. Sometimes friends or family needs to hear it so they can look at them with new eyes...:)And make sure no matter how you do it, you dont use a forwarded message that doesnt really come from the heart. Copy and paste is just lazy. Forward is lazy. They say we should be grateful that someone thought of us today. Maybe so, but would you rather get a forward from me or a short note that says goodmorning! Hope your day is awesome! Smoochies!? Which one will lift your heart and spirit? which one will bring a smile to your face that you will pass on to the next person? Even someone who may not really deserve it? Anyone that reads this will hopefully do the same for someone they love. Even someone they dont. God bless all. Good night.

A good nights sleep

OMG! You have no idea how important a good nights sleep is! I got a good one last night and I am feeling soooo much better today. Im still afraid of things but not feeling so overwhelmed by them. Today I feel like I can do it and be okay. So much is happening in our life right now. Its hard to know where to start. But it will work out in time. I went for a walk today at Point Defiance park at Owen Beach. It was wonderful. I had to sit down several times but I made it almost a mile. I am tired and I definately wore the wrong shoes, but I did it! It gives me hope that I can get healthy. I no longer want to just "lose weight". For me, I am pretty sure that is the wrong attitude. Anyway, so make sure you get a good nights sleep people. It is an amazing thing!

Fear

Fear is not your friend. Except when it keeps you safe from danger, otherwise it sucks. My life is full of fear. Im afraid of everything. I supposed most of my fears are normal. I'm scared of spiders and snakes. Im scared of losing friends, family, my home/job. But mostly im afraid of what is happening inside me. I have spent so many years hiding how I feel emotionally and physically. I dont want people to know how bad I feel both ways. Its taking its toll. I have an ulcer and get to go get a endiscopy and colonoscopy to find out why I have such a problem with my innards. Im scared of the tests. Im scared of what it will find, or even what it doesnt find. Im sick of being scared. Of keeping my feelings inside. Im crying over little things. I dont want another pill to help numb me. I want to either feel better or leave. I want to be alone, and I dont. I want to be a couch potato, but im too afraid of the pain to get up and move. Im afraid to fail, probably cuz thats all ive ever done, no matter how hard I try. Im afraid of life, of people, of being weak. Is this normal fear? How do you know? Im even afraid to go to a shrink in case I dont like who I become when I supposadly "get better". Shit.

Suprises

Hi all. I am sick. So if this doesnt make a lot of sense let me know. On Sunday started having bad stomach cramps, doodie all over the place and fever of 102. Monday, kinda the same although pepto calmed it down..fever still hanging around. Tuesday and wednesday same thing. Now my family is making me go to the doctor tomorrow. Bleck. I know they are right, I just dont want to go.
But now we will get to the surprise part of my blog. Those of you who know me know that I have not spoken to my mom in over 25 years. Or approximately, I may be off by a few months..but anyway. Apparently she called her ex husbands wife the other day because the ex is not being nice. He is apparently stalking her and she is trying to get a restraining order against him. She is asking for a statement from her attesting to his violent temper and the restraining order she had put out on him in the past. It is a bit shaky to see that she is still out there and can contact me at any time since I have not changed my phone number in a long time. Fortunately I have caller ID so I will probably never answer her call, and right now my answering machine is full so that is also a blessing. I really dont want to talk to her.It took me 20 years to close that can of worms and I dont want to open it again. I dont wish any ill will on her or anything, I just want her to leave me alone. Period. Her grandkids dont know her and neither will her great grandchild. She made a choice a long time ago. Its not a matter of forgiveness either, just so you know, its a matter of self preservation.Depressing huh?
well me and my feverish sick self are going to bed. Goodnight and smoochies!

Its a wedding life...

Its definately wedding season! I went to one today for my sisters ex and his new wife. I am sooo glad he found someone that makes him happy. And she looks just as happy too. She is beautiful, kind, and takes wonderful care of him and his home. He is a wonderfully giving soul who needed someone like that to complement him. It was awesome! The wedding was traditional and simple, elegant with whimsical touches here and there. The food was awesome and we met a wonderful couple and thier two kids, charlie and gretchen. Daughter Rachael and son Scott. I dont know that we will ever see them again, but they were awesome just the same. Ran into a couple I dont really care for, but was able to have a pleasant conversation with them so that made me happy too.
Next Sunday, a freinds son who we grew up with..the son, not the friend, is getting married. His bride is so tiny and smart and talented. They were high school sweethearts who decided to take it to the next step. I am truly looking forward to that wedding. It should be awesome too! And of course I will blog about that one too.

OH! and one funny note on todays wedding. For some reason the wedding march would not play on the sound system so the entire congregation sang dum dum da dum, dum dum da dum while the bride walked the aisle. It was so great! Its the 1st interactive wedding I have ever been too!!!
And yes, I cried. I was sure I wouldnt so I didnt bring any tissues. Knucklehead...lol
Smoochies!

its a changing life

Well life is all about change right? Sometimes I love change, other times I could do without it and be just fine..grrr...
So my job (income) has been changed. We no longer get mileage for what we do. It is effective August 1st, but we dont really get any details until August 13th. Hmmm..Figures. I hear we are to get a raise, but still have to do all the transport, insurance and maintenance on our vehicles ourselves. Even though a single day can be 3oo miles of driving or more. And because we work for the state, we have to carry a 1 MILLION dollar business insurance policy..not cheap let me tell ya. I know, people have to commute every day, sometimes even long ones, and they dont get thier insurance or maintenance paid for, so I guess if the raise is good enough, it might not be too bad. I dont know. And I have to work and wait for a couple more weeks to find out. THAT makes me mad.
In other news...I got to go seem my grandaughter last weekend. She is the stuff let me tell you! I cant believe how much I adore her. She is so beautiful..And her parents (1st timers) are so protective. Its funny. Reminds me of me when my 1st one came. Glad you get over all that with the second one! And you really get over it when you become a grandparent! As long as they dont get hurt, no problems! lol
Oh and while we were there we went to a sport bar/restaraunt that had this amazing bread. It was beer bread. Dense, slightly sweet, with big holes in it to catch the butter that melted down into it. A wonderful sweet thin but crisp crust with oatmeal baked into the top..Oh it was divine! I even asked for a couple of pieces to take home. It was awesome. Oh and the clam chowder was to die for! For the 1st time EVER I didnt put crackers in my clam chowder. At almost 47 years old that is saying something! It didnt need crackers and might even have sucked had I put them in there!Almost worth moving to wenatchee for! But...too dang hot!
Glad to be here and see ya all again soon! Smoochies~!

its a frustrating life...

Okay, getting a bit frustrated with not being able to comment on other peoples blogs!! Keeps tellikng me there is an error...grrr...
Found out I am probably going to have to get another job. Its sucks. I really love the job I have but the state is making changes that will negatively impact the income to the point it would not be worth continuing on. If I didnt need the income I would do it anyway, but unfortunately I do not have a silver spoon, and so I work. So if anyone out there in tacoma washington knows of a courier position they need filled, I am your gal!
Thanks to those who read these blogs of mine. For those who know me I hope they keep you up on my life and thoughts, and for those who dont, I hope I havent bored you too much!
Have a great day! Smoochies

its a Saturday life

Ahhh Saturday...What a wonderful concept. Dont have to get up early, dont have to go to bed early, dont have to work or take the kids to school. Dont have to make lunches or plan quicky dinners after hectic days. Dont have to worry about solicitors calling every 5 minutes..they must love saturdays too...and the mall closes early..so my kid doesnt go and spend money...I really love Saturdays..its my day of rest or fun or both. Sunday is supposed to be the day of rest, but for me, thats saturday. The one day of the week I dont have responsibility climbing up my..well weighing on me:)
It was a beautiful day in Washington today. Upper 70's in the sun, low 70's in the shade. So I got my vitamin D quotient taken care of for the day. My doctor said if you live in Washington you are vitamin d deficient and since I found out your body needs sunshine to convert the vitamin in your body into a usefull substance, I got out in the sun when it comes out long enough to do the job. I gotta do something right for m poor body. Got to reconnect with a friend today. She is awesome but so busy it is really hard to hang out with her. She is doing well and in a new, healthy romance from what I can see, and she is a grandma too! Its going around. Man we are getting old..er that is!
Had a 13 and a half hour day yesterday at work. I guess thats why I am really appreciated Saturday today! Smoochies for now all!

its a beiber life...

Yep. Had to do it. Had to take 2 teen girls to the Justin Beiber concert in Everett Washington tonight. OMG! What a madhouse of screaming little girls. Yuk. Cant believe I used to be one! I was trying to exit the building when this girl about 11 or 12 years old comes in and starts screaming "I'm here! I cant believe im here!" and started crying! I beat a VERY hasty retreat 2 1/2 blocks away to my car and that is where I stayed till it was over...Fortunately for me, the girls I took were so very much more composed! I had to ASK for details of the concert.
Found out yesterday that my neighbor of 10 years served a restraining order against her husband last night. Apparently there has been domestic violence of some kind over there for a long time. I never heard anything, or saw anything in all the time they have been there. Im very proud of the mom for standing up for herself and her kids. Its so hard to do that when you have been beat down for so long. My friend also suffered a relationship like that for 13 years. She is getting better, but the scars to her mental state are still very obvious. I cant believe I never noticed anything in all that time. Maybe I should become a nosier neighbor. Maybe I could have helped her sooner. Its a crazy world we live in.
Read my oldest daughters blog tonight too. She has been reading a book that is making her think very hard about how she handles her feelings and hurts. Although it took a work of fiction to break through her walls, I am grateful for it. She has spent so many years just trying to deal with her daily issues she never really got a chance to look deeper. I am hoping that by exorcising the one person in her life she loves and hates most will help her to grow as well. She is an amazing person. Artistic, creative, adorable, with so much love to give. I wish I could have helped her more to express all of that without fear. Ah, well, I will try. I will never give up on her either.
And so I dont start sounding crazy I should probably sign off. I took a percocet tonight. I hurt my neck a couple weeks ago and stopped taking the ibuprophen. Mistake, so tonite I obliterate the pain and tomorrow will start the ibuprophen again. Smoochies!

its a writing life

I read my daughters short story today on her blog, but as usual when I tried to post a comment, it didnt go through. The short story is very good and I sensed a lot of her in the little girl. All those emotions were felt by her when she met her dad for the 1st time as an adult. Its a very strange thing, the relationship between a parent and a child. As parents we are expected to know so much, and be the strong one. We need and are expected to provide all things for the betterment and growth of our children. I think everyone, including the parents forget sometimes that we are just human. We are still learning and growing ourselves. We do the best we can with what we know. Sometimes though, it is not enough. And our mistakes lead to bigger issues or problems. I see it when I go to work each day and watch disfunctional parents try to reconnect with children who are damaged, but love the parent anyway. It is amazing the human capacity to love in spite of all that comes into contact with us physically and emotionally.
I took my daughter to the airport today to send her home. I couldnt sleep last night and the stress of sending her away made me break out in hives on my hands. But I sent her home anyway. I didnt beg her to stay, which I wanted too. I didnt cry, until now that is. You cannot explain the depth of love you feel for a child, or the pain it can cause because of that love. One thing is for sure though, I would not give it up for anything in the world. So grow up and move on kids, but mom loves you all, and I WILL cry! :) Have a fabulous day everyone!

Never give up

Okay. So it occurred to me today to try and find other blogs to read. Basically i suck at it:) But, I will not give up!
I need to lose weight. Some days I do well, others I dont. I still have more bad days than good so the weight is not coming off, but I will not give up! (are you beginning to sense a theme here?)
I have a pug, and she is dumber than a box of rocks, but I am determined to teach her to sit and stay..I will not give up.
My teen daughter will not eat anything that is good for her. Still working on getting her to eat healthier so I will feel better as well as her, I'm not giving up..
My parents are hermits. They love us but dont get out much. Trying to make more time to go see them. I will not give up...
Trying to be more motivated to just DO things. I think about doing things, and when its not so hot, I am getting better. So once again, I will not give up.
Everyone has so many things in thier life to live for, even if you dont know it. There have been many times in my life when it would have been so easy to give up, but I never did. Somehow, someway, something or someone came along and gave me the will to keep going. So even though the things I am working on right now may not seem hard to someone else, they are still hard for me. And i hope that anyone who reads this will also..NOT GIVE UP. God bless. Connie

How do you help someone who doesnt know they need it?

So thats my question. My sister is in trouble due to paranoia. She had been this way for many years always thinking someone is trying to get her. A few odd things have happened over the years, but most of the stuff she tells me about are normal things that happen to everyone. But she doesnt seem to be able to apply normal situations to herself. Everything is a conspiracy. Her doctor has put her on meds to help, but I dont know that she can or will take them as she should. Its scaring me and my family, including her adult children. She is staying with me again, as she did a few weeks ago when she kicked her boyfriend out to make sure he wasnt the cause of all these things that are happening. Every time she hears a honk she has to make sure no one is trying to do anything to her car. Its crazy. But at least here she is not drinking and feels safe enough to leave her dogs and sleep if only for a few hours a night.
My daughter leaves early saturday morning to go home. I feel sad that she is leaving and bad that we couldnt do more. We spent what little money we had on the 4th of July bash so we didnt have money to go and do other things. She said she enjoyed the peace and quiet. Even if she is fibbing, I love her for it!:) She is out tonite with her friend from high school. I hope they have an awesome time. Goodnight all!

Its a hot life...

It is super hot today, and supposed to be hotter tomorrow..so yep, im whining. I know its not as hot as the east coast, but im a westie and have always hated the heat..so whaaa! Its one of those days when you have all these ideas and amibitions but no energy to carry them out. My oldest daughter who is visiting me finally got to connect with one of her friends..Yeah! She wants to come out for christmas too but doesnt think she can get her boyfriend to come with her. He sounds a bit anti social...any ideas how to get him here??? Besides going there and dragging him back here by his tail that is:)
And did I mention I love my hubby?? He fixed my washing machine for me and put linoleum in the laundry room for me! Super excited! No more cement! I love him anyway, but thought that deserved a mention:)
My oldest boy and his fiancee are going to vegas for her birthday tomorrow. They are both excited but she is having a tough time leaving her baby for the 1st time. She is going on 5 months old now. She is adorable, and so is her mom! I love them all...

Hi everyone and happy day after the 4th! Mine was very very quiet...only cuz I was asleep! Dang cold got me. Everyone else said the show was awesome, but no bagpipes this year..he must have gotten lost..:) I hope everyone had a great one. It was wonderful getting to know my sister in law and hanging out with just a few friends. It was not as big of a crowd this year which was great. Much less drama..and of course Ted gave us all a good laugh..he got pretty snockered and when it was time to leave he got in the wrong truck, sat in that back patiently waiting to go...lol. Of course in the sober light of morning he swears he only did it to give our friends a bad time..yeah right! No one got hurt, no one fell in the lake (darn) and no one got in a fight, quietest 4th of july I have ever celebrated! And I love this blog thing..great place to hang out and share my thoughts. Even if I dont have any I can make some up! Smoochies till next time!

its a camping life

Well gang, going camping! Gonna see an awesome fireworks display courtesy of the camp residents. I hope we get to see/hear the bagpipe player this year. Imagine it: sun is almost down, fireworks are going off and reflecting off the surface of the lake. A thin haze of smoke from the fireworks hangs over the water creating a foglike effect. As you sit there, a man walks out to the edge of the dock and gently begins to play our national anthem on bagpipes. As the volume grows, so does the feeling of pride in the country we live in. Everyone gets quiet, even the kids, and listens in wonder and reflection for how fortunate we are to be here amongst all types of people, from all walks of life, joined in a celebration of why we can be here. Tears came to my eyes but did not spill over, and I said a prayer of thankfullness. I then exploded into cheers and clapping at the end of the song, only to be sucked right back in by amazing grace. Its a memory that I will always cherish.
And so I hope we will get to repeat it again. Its something that will never get old, no matter how old I get.
See you all on the 6th!

welcome!

HI! Welcome to my world, and yes its boring...:) My daughter turned me on to the world of blogging so im gonna give it a try. So heres my story, or a little of it anyway. Im middle aged (46) two biological kids 25 and 14, one adopted kid, 25 (who is visiting me right now) and a 4 month old granddaughter..and of course she is the cutest child on earth...lol. I have two dogs, been married almost 26 years, and have lived in the same house for 13 years...could I get anymore white bread than that?
But yes, I also have drama..and as time goes on I will talk about it so YOU wont get too bored! But generally im just a dork lookin for other dorks to talk to. I have friends but most of them have moved away, far away, and I cant afford to go see them. And since most of them are my age or older they are not technologically savvy soooo....here I am!
And so the saga begins.....