its an awesome life...

And it is. Every life is awesome. In different ways. No matter how crazy, lost, or miserable a person is, they affect someone else. They teach by example, are loved by someone, even if it is god alone, bring something to someone. I know that even the most evil of people have something to teach. If nothing else, they teach us to be careful of strangers, especially with our children, or to be thankful for the truly good people we have in our life. Dont take those people for granted. Embrace them in any way you can. Send a text to tell them how much they mean to you. Call them, write a letter, even tell someone they know how awesome they are. Sometimes friends or family needs to hear it so they can look at them with new eyes...:)And make sure no matter how you do it, you dont use a forwarded message that doesnt really come from the heart. Copy and paste is just lazy. Forward is lazy. They say we should be grateful that someone thought of us today. Maybe so, but would you rather get a forward from me or a short note that says goodmorning! Hope your day is awesome! Smoochies!? Which one will lift your heart and spirit? which one will bring a smile to your face that you will pass on to the next person? Even someone who may not really deserve it? Anyone that reads this will hopefully do the same for someone they love. Even someone they dont. God bless all. Good night.

A good nights sleep

OMG! You have no idea how important a good nights sleep is! I got a good one last night and I am feeling soooo much better today. Im still afraid of things but not feeling so overwhelmed by them. Today I feel like I can do it and be okay. So much is happening in our life right now. Its hard to know where to start. But it will work out in time. I went for a walk today at Point Defiance park at Owen Beach. It was wonderful. I had to sit down several times but I made it almost a mile. I am tired and I definately wore the wrong shoes, but I did it! It gives me hope that I can get healthy. I no longer want to just "lose weight". For me, I am pretty sure that is the wrong attitude. Anyway, so make sure you get a good nights sleep people. It is an amazing thing!

Fear

Fear is not your friend. Except when it keeps you safe from danger, otherwise it sucks. My life is full of fear. Im afraid of everything. I supposed most of my fears are normal. I'm scared of spiders and snakes. Im scared of losing friends, family, my home/job. But mostly im afraid of what is happening inside me. I have spent so many years hiding how I feel emotionally and physically. I dont want people to know how bad I feel both ways. Its taking its toll. I have an ulcer and get to go get a endiscopy and colonoscopy to find out why I have such a problem with my innards. Im scared of the tests. Im scared of what it will find, or even what it doesnt find. Im sick of being scared. Of keeping my feelings inside. Im crying over little things. I dont want another pill to help numb me. I want to either feel better or leave. I want to be alone, and I dont. I want to be a couch potato, but im too afraid of the pain to get up and move. Im afraid to fail, probably cuz thats all ive ever done, no matter how hard I try. Im afraid of life, of people, of being weak. Is this normal fear? How do you know? Im even afraid to go to a shrink in case I dont like who I become when I supposadly "get better". Shit.

Suprises

Hi all. I am sick. So if this doesnt make a lot of sense let me know. On Sunday started having bad stomach cramps, doodie all over the place and fever of 102. Monday, kinda the same although pepto calmed it down..fever still hanging around. Tuesday and wednesday same thing. Now my family is making me go to the doctor tomorrow. Bleck. I know they are right, I just dont want to go.
But now we will get to the surprise part of my blog. Those of you who know me know that I have not spoken to my mom in over 25 years. Or approximately, I may be off by a few months..but anyway. Apparently she called her ex husbands wife the other day because the ex is not being nice. He is apparently stalking her and she is trying to get a restraining order against him. She is asking for a statement from her attesting to his violent temper and the restraining order she had put out on him in the past. It is a bit shaky to see that she is still out there and can contact me at any time since I have not changed my phone number in a long time. Fortunately I have caller ID so I will probably never answer her call, and right now my answering machine is full so that is also a blessing. I really dont want to talk to her.It took me 20 years to close that can of worms and I dont want to open it again. I dont wish any ill will on her or anything, I just want her to leave me alone. Period. Her grandkids dont know her and neither will her great grandchild. She made a choice a long time ago. Its not a matter of forgiveness either, just so you know, its a matter of self preservation.Depressing huh?
well me and my feverish sick self are going to bed. Goodnight and smoochies!

Its a wedding life...

Its definately wedding season! I went to one today for my sisters ex and his new wife. I am sooo glad he found someone that makes him happy. And she looks just as happy too. She is beautiful, kind, and takes wonderful care of him and his home. He is a wonderfully giving soul who needed someone like that to complement him. It was awesome! The wedding was traditional and simple, elegant with whimsical touches here and there. The food was awesome and we met a wonderful couple and thier two kids, charlie and gretchen. Daughter Rachael and son Scott. I dont know that we will ever see them again, but they were awesome just the same. Ran into a couple I dont really care for, but was able to have a pleasant conversation with them so that made me happy too.
Next Sunday, a freinds son who we grew up with..the son, not the friend, is getting married. His bride is so tiny and smart and talented. They were high school sweethearts who decided to take it to the next step. I am truly looking forward to that wedding. It should be awesome too! And of course I will blog about that one too.

OH! and one funny note on todays wedding. For some reason the wedding march would not play on the sound system so the entire congregation sang dum dum da dum, dum dum da dum while the bride walked the aisle. It was so great! Its the 1st interactive wedding I have ever been too!!!
And yes, I cried. I was sure I wouldnt so I didnt bring any tissues. Knucklehead...lol
Smoochies!

its a changing life

Well life is all about change right? Sometimes I love change, other times I could do without it and be just fine..grrr...
So my job (income) has been changed. We no longer get mileage for what we do. It is effective August 1st, but we dont really get any details until August 13th. Hmmm..Figures. I hear we are to get a raise, but still have to do all the transport, insurance and maintenance on our vehicles ourselves. Even though a single day can be 3oo miles of driving or more. And because we work for the state, we have to carry a 1 MILLION dollar business insurance policy..not cheap let me tell ya. I know, people have to commute every day, sometimes even long ones, and they dont get thier insurance or maintenance paid for, so I guess if the raise is good enough, it might not be too bad. I dont know. And I have to work and wait for a couple more weeks to find out. THAT makes me mad.
In other news...I got to go seem my grandaughter last weekend. She is the stuff let me tell you! I cant believe how much I adore her. She is so beautiful..And her parents (1st timers) are so protective. Its funny. Reminds me of me when my 1st one came. Glad you get over all that with the second one! And you really get over it when you become a grandparent! As long as they dont get hurt, no problems! lol
Oh and while we were there we went to a sport bar/restaraunt that had this amazing bread. It was beer bread. Dense, slightly sweet, with big holes in it to catch the butter that melted down into it. A wonderful sweet thin but crisp crust with oatmeal baked into the top..Oh it was divine! I even asked for a couple of pieces to take home. It was awesome. Oh and the clam chowder was to die for! For the 1st time EVER I didnt put crackers in my clam chowder. At almost 47 years old that is saying something! It didnt need crackers and might even have sucked had I put them in there!Almost worth moving to wenatchee for! But...too dang hot!
Glad to be here and see ya all again soon! Smoochies~!

its a frustrating life...

Okay, getting a bit frustrated with not being able to comment on other peoples blogs!! Keeps tellikng me there is an error...grrr...
Found out I am probably going to have to get another job. Its sucks. I really love the job I have but the state is making changes that will negatively impact the income to the point it would not be worth continuing on. If I didnt need the income I would do it anyway, but unfortunately I do not have a silver spoon, and so I work. So if anyone out there in tacoma washington knows of a courier position they need filled, I am your gal!
Thanks to those who read these blogs of mine. For those who know me I hope they keep you up on my life and thoughts, and for those who dont, I hope I havent bored you too much!
Have a great day! Smoochies